Maria Sabina Lives On – Magic Mushrooms and Santa Muerte

By guest contributor Santa Muerte devotee Rachel *

I apologize, but this is a subject I feel so passionately about, so I hope you’ll read on! I probably should post this anonymously, but I also feel it’s important to fight this fight publicly, and I shouldn’t have to hide in the shadows — for neither my past mental health struggles nor my choice of medication. I truly believe in the healing powers of psilocybin and am a huge advocate for decriminalization and psilocybin-assisted therapy. I truly believe it can not only change, but actually save lives… They have definitely saved mine.

Mushrooms have helped me in ways that 20+ years of psychiatric medication and therapy haven’t even come close. I cannot recall a time since pre-adolescence when I haven’t been depressed or worse. I was medicated all throughout high school with antidepressants and antipsychotics. I have been labeled many things before finally being diagnosed with bipolar I disorder with psychotic features around age 18, and then co-morbid adult ADHD at 20-21. I have attempted suicide in earnest multiple times and have earned several grippy-sock vacations. I have struggled with addiction and alcoholism on and off since my late teens.

Manic episodes have interrupted my education and have led to me abruptly leaving jobs. I always avoided psychedelics because of my mental illness(es)… until a year ago, at age 35, when I started growing various ps. cubensis mushrooms after a couple years of research convinced me the potential benefits outweighed the perceived risks. (For the sake of harm reduction, I should note that psilocybin is a psychedelic and serotonin 2A receptor [5-HT2AR] agonist and, for people like me with bipolar disorder, can potentially trigger manic episodes. None of my experiences should be considered medical advice, consult your doctor before stopping, changing, or starting any new treatments.)

Thanks to mushrooms, I felt what it must be like to be “a normal person” — meaning someone without the heavy cloud of depression hanging over them. I have been able to get off multiple medications (with my doctor’s approval and assistance) and no longer have any desire to drink despite years of alcohol abuse. I have been able to at least begin the process of healing my PTSD caused by sexual assault and other trauma.

I also give mushrooms most of the credit for leading me to Santa Muerte. The first real experience I had with La Santísima was after consuming some fruits I grew. It was a full moon actually, though I didn’t think much of that (and still don’t know if I do), just noteworthy… actually I think it was the 9th, too. I took was my usual dose, which is high compared to some and not recommended for beginners, of between 4-5.5g lemon tek. I had purchased some of her candles at the local grocery store on a whim — kind of as protection because I grow them, though I was not a devotee at the time. I had those lit and I felt like she became present and was telling me what she wanted me to do for her, and in exchange she would help me win the money I needed to pay the rent (we have been struggling financially for a while, husband is a professor but has been home with the kids for a few years and having a hard time getting a university position, I was a manager and made good money but had to resign a year ago due to exhaustion from work and long Covid).

Sure enough, I did those things for her right there and then, and within 24 hours I had won enough gambling to pay my $1700 rent. I started reading all about her, began building and maintaining her first of her two altars, and after much research and reflection I soon become a loving devotee. She’s helped me with rent for several more months actually, and I was offered a pretty darn good full-time job yesterday! My husband will be teaching at least one course this semester, too.

I always set an intention before dosing, and now I often use these journeys to connect with La Santísima. I have also been compelled to place both dried fruits and colonized agar plates on her altar, but I think I had been “testing the product” when I put the agar there. If you read all of that, I greatly appreciate it! Thanks for letting me share my story. Otherwise, I grow ps. cubensis mushrooms and they have dramatically changed my life for the better, plus helped lead me to become a devotee after LSM first appeared to me on them. I have also placed them as offerings on her altar and I feel that she approved.

Rachel is an amateur mycologist, a psychedelic decriminalization advocate, and a neophyte Santa Muerte devotee. As a San Diego, CA native currently living in New Haven County, CT, they can often be found complaining about the weather regardless of the season. Their search to understand their own neurodivergence lead them to study Psychology at Wesleyan University in Middletown, CT, where their particular research interests included cultural and quantitative psychology.