cropped-img_20130501_0025582.jpg“La muerte es justa y pareja para todos pues todos vamos a morir”

Sharing and understanding how the traditions that venerate Most Holy Death are encountered in each of our lives is the most important factor in exploring the depth of this faith. Whether it is the scholar called to question cultural assumptions by these transformative practices, the casual observer struck with surprise at the iconography, or a passionate devotee who lives daily with the reality of this devotion, each share in a unique story emerging in the wider culture.

If you would like to share your thoughts or experiences please contact us  through the message box further down the page on the left hand margin. We welcome anything that you would like to share regarding your personal experience with these powerful traditions.

36 thoughts on “* Share Your Experience

  1. Greetings:

    First off, I would like to express my appreciation for this site and for the continued research in my Beloved Lady, as well as the updates and the information from the various perspectives about who I affectionately refer to as “Mother”, because She is my Spiritual Mother. You will gradually find many comments and information from me on this site, as I progress through its pages (I just found the site so might take a little time). I have been working with Santisima Muerte for a length of time, and She has always been around me since I was a child. She has always watched over me and protected me from a variety of issues and has been a loving and caring protectress. I know that much of the news that has been spread about Her over the course of the last while has been focused propaganda on the negative associations with Her and on the criminal elements that have come to accept Her, and yes these are factors have helped in forming an opinion about Her, however, if we were to go over the jail systems I am quite aware that we would find many people of Catholic, Protestant, Christian persuasions who have done, what can be seen as evil acts, but we do not condemn those faiths because of there actions; as a matter of fact, the largest religious denomination in the prison system are those of Catholic faiths, second only to those of Protestant beliefs. Yet I do NOT here of the Catholic Church or the Protestant Churches being condemned because of the actions of their followers. It is my opinion that much of what has been produced about Santa Muerte devotion and its “evil” connections to the criminal element is nothing more then propaganda because of the fact that they believe Her devotion is competition. You hear more of the criminals who are devoted to Her and never about the upper-class, the law-abiding citizens and the working classes, who are honest, hardworking individuals, because it is news. The old adage comes into play here: “if it bleeds it leads”.
    The more that I follow the information, the more the reality of its propaganda is coming to clearer view and the fact that it is just that, propaganda. The Catholic faith is also under stress in the Spanish speaking portions of the world, with the invasion of the Pentacostals and their mission to convert, then they are from devotees of Santisima Muerte, because Pentacostals are out for conversion, where Santa Muerte will call Her own and choose who She wishes. She doesn’t always call or make Her presence known because She is seeking your devotion or allegiance; but to make you aware of Her presence, maybe because there is a lesson that you need to learn and nothing else has worked to get your attention. History has shown us that the Christian faith, from the political standpoint, hates competition and cannot sit by, while another religious or spiritual standpoint which brings peace and happiness to its followers, without their opinion being passed down in the form of condemnation. It is sad really! I am not stating this to attack the Catholic Faith, nor any other extension of the Christian Beliefs. I am just stating the reality and the facts, proven by census and can be proven throughout history. I am not calling for any actions against the Church because many of their devotees are in prison or have performed terrible things!

    What I AM saying is: “See the truth behind the veil!” Do not jump on the band wagon just because propaganda has invaded your mind and do not allow yourself to live in fear just because you don’t understand something!

    Peace and Blessings!
    Rev. Amortus

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      1. Can someone help me?!? I think she is calling me to her. I want to establish a relationship with her and have had dreams and signs. A book I read said I have to see her in meditation in order to work with her, is this true? I’ve been meditating but have yet to see her. I have, however, felt hands on my neck (not in a bad way; more like a comforting hand laid there) what should I do?

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  2. PRAYER TO THE HOLY DEATH OF LOVE
    THIS IS A VERY POWERFUL LOVE SPELL
    YOU NEED A RED SANTISIMA MUERTE STATUE
    1 PLAIN RED CANDLE
    SANTA MUERTE 7 DAY CANDLE IN RED
    SANTA MUERTE 7 DAY CANDLE IN BLACK
    WRITE YOUR NAME AND YOUR LOVERS NAME 2 TIMES EACH ON THE PLAIN RED CANDLE,YOUR NAME,YOUR LOVERS NAME.NOW WRITE YOUR NAME AND YOUR LOVERS NAME ON WHITE PAPER,DRAW A HEART AROUND IT USEING YOUR OWN BLOOD.NOW PLACE THE PAPER ROLLED UP THE AROUND THE SCYTHE OF THE SANTISIMA MUERTE AND PLACE IT IN HER HAND.TURN ON YOUR RED CANDLE FIRST THE PLAIN ONE,READ THIS PRAYER,AFTER YOU FINISH TURN ON ONE OF YOUR 7 DAY CANDLES READ THIS PRAYER AGAIN.WHEN YOUR FIRST 7 DAY CANDLE IS HAVE WAY TURN ON YOUR SECOND CANDLE.PRAY THIS PRAYER FOR 9 DAYS.
    By the powers of the earth, by the presence of fire, by the inspiration of air, by the virtues of water, I invoke and conjure Saint Death, By force of the Sacred Hearts and tears shed for love, for that target ______ he is, bringing his spirit to my _____ tying definitely mine. bathe his spirit in the essence of my love and love me in return the quad. _____ You never want to someone else and your body only me I belong _____. _____ You do not drink, do not eat, do not talk, do not listen, do not sing unless in my presence. apresen what my memories forever, by the powers of this Prayer. My Girl White, Holy Death tour and use their power and _____ away to any woman with whom he is now, and if you call it by name. want to tie the spirit and body of _____ because I love him and tied my love _____ _____ I want to remain dependent on my love, I want to see crazy about my _____ _____ wishing me like I was the last person on earth. want his heart caught me forever, in the name of the Queen Holy Death This feeling blossom within _____ prisoner leaving my 24 hours per day. Oh My Girl White Holy Death has to bring _____ to me, for I desire on it, and I want it fast. For your hidden powers, which begin _____ _____ love me from this exact moment and just think that my _____ like I was the only person in the world. _____ They come running to me, full of hope and desire, that _____ not have peace until you come and get me, and then me. Holy Death, I implore you to bring me to _____. _____ They love me a lot, come gentle and as I wish. I thank the Holy Death. Y promise me forever bear his name. Oh! Powerful my white girl, Holy Death, I return to my beloved _____ saddens me with contempt, that _____ forget and stop once and for all, all other loves and who love us away. _____ It is discouraged and Cold with others, That _____ be discouraged and be cool with all the other women, than any other woman this _____ get stressed with her, fight with her and immediately leave her life and take her anger, hatred, aversion and anger of her and not retract anything. _____ And take anger, hate, disgust and anger of any other woman who walks with them now and urgently end the relationship. _____ You feel alone, humiliated and embarrassed. That _____ _____ come to me, ask for my love and forgiveness. Oh! Linda Powerful Santa Muerte, which at this time does not want more _____ walk with anyone or with friends. Let me take just thinking and thinking about how you are going to do to make me happy. need my white girl a signal, a phone call, every contact I know if my _____ thinks and loves me, and I take away from this darkness . _____ They talk to me, you feel that he misses me. You are strong and powerful, bring _____ to my feet, for no more go out and come running, to leave everything and everyone and just think about my _____ Linda Powerful white girl, Holy Death with his big strong power remove all barriers that are preventing _____ madly love me and want to join my _____ I want my beloved, loving and always admiring. That does not feel any more sexual desires another person. sure your wishes are only for my _____ his thoughts, kindness and goodness are just for me. _____ That much truth I want _____ I stayed with him and marry me. But also, I want you, Linda Powerful Santa Muerte, _____ away from any and every other woman. And we can be happy he and I together forever. ____ You just feel sexual attraction and desire for me. ____ That call me on the phone, and every moment from now. That feel nostalgia for me, and suffering away from me and not hold more _____ suffer. _____ I want and now I look today. I want to hear the voice, asking me to stay with me and back to my _____ forever, saying he loves me and loves me just me. asking short term marriage. Thanks for the favor granted. promise my white girl, holy death (Offer whatever you want, a revelation, or what deses offer) Copy and paste a request like this here in 7 different altars and within 7 days your order will be performed. Strong Prayer Someone to tie. Sympathy infallible but you can not go back

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    1. I know a guy that did the ritual thinking he could control a demon . But he ended up trying to kill himself so yeah watch what you pray to Jesus is the way . Holy death = ( death )
      Jesus=Life
      God bless you all
      We are made to worship HIM he is our creator.

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      1. Here is a spell that works! I started this spell and it took 2.5 weeks for results! I prayed to saint death ( Santa muerte) and it works! I also asked for a sign of this would be working soon bc i was done with the prayers after 9 day and I still had no sign of my love. As soon as I asked, my whole house lost power for a quick second and I received a text 10 minutes later from my love! I have an alter and although the spell called for three candles, I promised to have a candle lit at all times. I offered an Apple, water, and I gave her mini owl figurines. Be positive and love her. Do not use her and forget about her.

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      2. YES i agree. I am on here to get an understanding but I am afraid to read those words. Seek and it shall be given. God is within you

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      3. In her prayers she mentions him, media just wants to put a bad name on her. I’ve met more evil Christians, than mi Santitas followers. She loves us all and DOSENT judge she knows how it’s like to be human.

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  3. I came upon Madrina by what ; for me as a highly skeptical and science oriented person, was purely by random chance. .. I have explored numerous mystical paths throughout my life, and each time I found similar results, empty psycho/drama that in no way fulfilled the goals at hand. ..

    The death goddess archetype has had resonance with me since my teens ( in my 40s now) , beginning with Hel in the Norse pantheon, and much more so Lilith. . I would identify myself as an atheist only due to the disillusionment of my prior attempts to find that “path” I was searching for. .. while on a trip to Juarez Mexico for what became an Ill-fated attempt at marriage with an Argentinian lady, I found myself blindly walking the gritty back alleys of Juarez towards the end of my time there. . I found a Catholic church that I was obsessed with because of its ornate beauty, but it was gated and locked each time I went. .. on a Thursday, a bit past noon, I rounded a corner and saw the church was open… yay!! Opportunity for good pictures! !

    Upon entering the church, I said a very generic prayer for my son that was stillborn as I do with nearly any catholic oriented place of worship, I have zero personal experience with the Catholic Church one on one… my prayers were not born of any remote belief that there is a connection between the living and the dead beyond the memory that resides in the living. .. there are no gods and there are no goddesses in my eyes, after kneeling before any I felt called to, I found emptiness…. as I sat upon the pew and randomly invoked Ella , Madrina, Lilith. . In that order, with no great intent, only passive humility in respect of the dead… it was not fire coming down from Heaven, nor did the damned wail up from Hell… but it was the most transformative moment I have ever encountered through any spiritual route , It was, for lack of a better word, transcendent… holding a steadfastly to my convictions that there is a scientific explanation for everything, my sense of ” reality ” as it were” was shaken to its core. . So , in spite of having stuck my nose into various aspects of western occultism , eastern philosophy, psychology, finally coming to atheistic/humanism. . Kindness for the sake of kindness, human decency, all the warm and fuzzy crap.. that warm and fuzzy is my core , balanced by something else. ..

    After that afternoon in Juarez, what was a simple scholarly curiosity crossed a line into an immersion in the veneration of the Holy Death. ..
    It was and still is a conflict for my psychology to accept the clear and present evidence of Her actions in the mundane world and in my own personal sphere … this shines a spotlight on my elementary understanding of her deeper Mystery. . Knowing how to drive a car is far different than knowing how to design and build a car. .

    I was given the nickname Chivo a number of years ago by a Mexican coworker as an insult, I quickly took it as my own, if you accept the totem animals concept, the American Black Vulture and the Goat would be mine. ..

    Neophyte that I am, I approach Madrina with profound humility with pleading for clarity of vision. .

    Chivo Loco

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  4. I have been praying to her for a lot of things during this divorce process. The first day I was praying with my middle son playing on his tablet. I had this feeling of like total peace and quiet calm just come over me. It was the most amazing feeling. I used to believe in God and I never felt that at all. Now every time I pray to her I swear it looks like the smiles on the statues are wider then usual. It’s either that or she really loves the Kahlua spiked cup of coffee along with the shot lol.

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  5. I became interested n the study of La Muerte last year. I set up and altar and regularly glorified it with white flowers and tequila.Since that time, a friend has come down with breast cancer and a family member developed a terminal illness. Not sure if invoking Her was the right thing to do…proceed with extreme caution…

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  6. I came across la Santa Muerte through synchronicity. I had been contemplating Death in the German existential sense and also looking into my own Irish mythology, The Morrigan, and theorizing that this tripartite Goddess was the orginal Goddess and not just Danu (which She is part of The Morrigan). I followed this path and decided to offer libations and a candle to Santa Muerte, so I had to cycle to the store to get those things. On the way I rolled behind three people going to a local restaurant… one of them wore a black hoody with a golden skull on the back. This is in no way fashionable or common in West Ireland. It had been weeks since I saw this, so I took it as a sign and gleefully laughed my ass off on my way to the store and on my way home.

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  7. I’m from West Ireland and I struggle to recall how la Santa Muerte entered my life, but She showed up for me as a long and intense period of reflecting on Death was coming to an end. I consider myself a “Pagan” and see the world primarily through the eyes of Heidegger and Kirkegaard. Although I’m Irish and She is Mexican, I became a devotee with the aim of slowly transforming that relationship into Ireland’s corresponding Goddess. I started a Facebook group for Her in Ireland and I spent a little cash and devoted some space to a shrine today. That’s my experience of Saint Death.

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  8. Glad to read all the great experiences on here. I started working with her in Feb 2017. I was 100% faithful, dedicated, & loyal. I believed my favors would be granted because I always had faith & offerings, even with no favors being answered. I had faith especially that my ex was going to return because we have 16 years together & we still loved each other. I noticed things only getting worse after I started with her. I tried to ignore it & kept at it because LOVE conquers ALL…Well I was tricked lol I have been asking Jesus everyday to forgive me for having an idol & believing the idol was more powerful than my creator. I just can’t believe I had these statues, candles, & all these offerings. I feel so much better now, because when I started & things were only getting worse, so was I. I just had to SNAP OUT OF IT. I can totally see how people get caught up. I will never judge. Only God can:) That’s my almost 1 year experience of basically talking to myself & praying to an idol, having my situation only get worse and no other favors EVER being granted. Sorry I’m just being honest on my experience here. Good luck to everyone else in the santisima muerte circle; )

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    1. Thank God you opened your eyes because people have forgotten that Death created by God right after Adam and Eve did not obey the simple rules that he had told them. Now I used to believe in her I was 100 % faith with her but unfortunately some leader that I knew was not and is not a great example for teaching a false cult and also la Santa muerte allowed many things to happen and it seemed that when You ask for a favor it like Asking Satan because he wants a favor and he is in command of that and that cult. You feel like a zombie when you believe in la Santa muerte and asks for favor for a favor .i know everything and every little trick and mind playing that la Santa muerte knows Now that I’m trying to pull my husband n other family members it’s always attacking. Does that seem okay because that what demons do . Wait I used to believe in what they said Santa muerte is peaceful and give you everything yeah right that is a false cult that’s offers fake love and fake everything else problem after problems that people really need to open there eyes!!!!GOD is the way and the light .. Now GOD never asks, never judges but he will make sure that you repent for your wrongs . And like it is said in the Bible never play or mess around with the Childrens of god . He sees it all I don’t believe in religion why because at the beginning of the Bible God never mentions anything about religion only doing good and believing in the goods he can offer us but we as humans didn’t and don’t obey !!!!

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  9. Do not trust her… she took my unborn 8 week old baby with her.. I was very naive to everything I was manipulated.. everything got worse when I started with her I’m going through so much pain and hurt and I’m distraught but I asked God every day to forgive me for believing that she could help me more than he could and I’m just trying to win got back I know he’s here with me though

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    1. God is always listening he is always there for you and every child of his . trust me you ask for forgiveness he will always do so . We were ignorant to think she was going to help and we were mislead. Don’t worry leave your problems and your sorrows to God and his son Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit that will remove all that pain away. In Jesus name Amen

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  10. Wondering if someone can help with my expierience?
    15 yrs ago after 3rd suicide attempt was in a coma for 5 days on a ventilator with multiple organ failure,basically dead.I remember leaving life too far behind to return and was with santa muerta where others could not return,yet I could not stay.My memory is so clear I drew what I saw and have it tattooed on my back.
    I know a deal was made,it may seem wierd,but I believe when I die, again,I will become a reaper.
    In the 15 yrs since, nothing could explain what I expierienced.Am I mistaken?
    If so,I mean no offence to santa muerta belief,I am only seeking an explanation.
    Respectfully Ian Callison.
    I do not consider myself religious, but have faith in myself and truth.

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    1. Your 100% right. Deal was made, she only asks for your volunteer work in the afterlife if she saves you from death an your soul is ready but your body is not. She is quite, beautiful an protective of other reapers here on Earth, she answers to God your father an works under God she protects those who can see her. which are natural psychics and mediums as well as myself a Christian Catholic called upon Mystic. Always choose good over bad, or else God will be sad.
      Mela Mystic

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  11. I broke a promise to her..
    She warned me but I still broke it and she showed me a lesson. I’m not blaming her for my mistakes, I know I did wrong.. I know it is 100% my fault.
    Anyone have good prayers or ideas on how to ask her for forgiveness?
    So far I lit 2 white candles, prayed and got her a dozen of white roses.

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  12. I started working with her. An all has been good for me… I think with people who have had bad experiences. Are the ones she does not connect with. Cuz santa muerte is not for everyone. Specaily if u just want to use her for YOUR own benefit.. An also with working with any spirit you MUST always protect yourself. With whatever it may be. A prayer at night. A rosary of virgen mary etc. And u must cleanse her space an altar by buring sage. Incenses. An sage ur house. But overall santa muerte DOES NOT reject anyone but some just do not connect with her. All my experiences have been postive with her.

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  13. If you want to work with Santisma Muerte, you have to first ask her if she wants to work with you. You cannot just start offering flowers and tequila. She is not a warm and fuzzy feathery angel or a saint in the traditional sense. She appeals to those who have felt rejected in life, marginalized people who are shunned by the mainstream society for various reasons, because of their sexuality, race, religion, etc. When you feel called to work with her, know that she will show you lessons of death, not literal, but metaphorical, and then you see if you can deal with it. I was dealing with my mortality when I was diagnosed with a chronic illness. I had been thinking of her a little bit before the diagnosis, but then I saw her everywhere outside, in murals, posters, shirts, sweaters and in places I didn’t think I would see her. I asked if I could work with her and waited 3 days. She showed her mischievous side at first by pulling little pranks on me. But soon enough I started to see her influence and protection in my life. When I moved away, I was feeling lonely in a new city and decided to work on a painting outside. A breeze forced a piece of newspaper onto the wet paint, and when i pulled it off, her message of reassurance was revealed. If you neglect her, she might not be so happy. Make sure that you take her seriously. Respect her and don’t take pictures of active works with her. Don’t make her share an altar with others, unless you are putting angels, she doesn’t seem to mind, especially arcangel michael. If you make a skin offering by getting her tattooed to your body, understand that is a lifetime commitment.

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  14. So far, things have been great with St. Muerte. I started praying my love and I would move things to the next level. So far, things are getting better. Another thing, while I was going thru my 9 day prayer to her I was stressing about my money situation for the remainder of the month. My bills and car maintenance hit all at once. Well, I called to see how much money I had altogether for my insurance. Had more than I thought and thought I would have to work extra hard to come up with some of the money I needed. Turns out I had what I needed then a little more. I will give her a gift of some sort and say a protection prayer to her every day to be sure she knows I’m there, I am more than grateful for her help and that she did what I asked then some more when I thought I had run into money problems. I wasn’t going to ask for help with that part anyway, it already got handled. I have heard so many mixed things about experiences with her. But looks like she has helped me out so far. I am always grateful for anybody’s help and never want them to see me as a user or needy, which I truly am not. Ppl who have done this to me I have removed them from my life because they proved to be takers. I don’t want to be that person she sees as a taker. The users and takers are the ones she gets angry with and undoes what she did for them and then some more.

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  15. I have a Santa muerte and she has money once she has alot of it can I buy another Santa muerte with that no me or what do i do with the money

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  16. First, I like this site. It is fair and it is balanced. The authors of this site do Santa Muerte great honor by their books and the site. I also like reading about other people’s experiences with this great lady and saint. Mi Madre, Santisima Muerte came to me at a time of experiencing injustices very hard to bear. She is my comfort, she stands by me like a Mother, always on time with quickness helper, and a serious, loving no-nonsense patron. She teaches many things. I say the rosary daily. Where the church rejects me, she steps in. I love her, and love those who love her. I wrote an article about her here entitled: Santa Muerte, the Death Saint: Why Is She Here? By Cllo C’ Roc https://medium.com/@farimagdalamaliakanagast/crisis-911-santa-muerte-the-death-saint-why-is-she-here-by-cllo-croc-95eb84cb9430

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  17. First, I like this site. It is fair and it is balanced. The authors of this site do Santa Muerte great honor by their books and the site. I also like reading about other people’s experiences with this great lady and saint. Mi Madre, Santisima Muerte came to me at a time of experiencing injustices very hard to bear. She is my comfort, she stands by me like a Mother, always on time with quickness helper, and a serious, loving no-nonsense patron. She teaches many things. I say the rosary daily. Where the church rejects me, she steps in. I love her, and love those who love her. Does she personify death? Then make friends with death and have peace in THIS LIFE. I wrote an article about her here entitled: Santa Muerte, the Death Saint: Why Is She Here? By Cllo C’ Roc https://medium.com/@farimagdalamaliakanagast/crisis-911-santa-muerte-the-death-saint-why-is-she-here-by-cllo-croc-95eb84cb9430

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    1. P.S. It’s me again from the above post. She came to me, Santa Muerte, she appeared at my window, spoke to me, comforted me as I sobbed. I did not know much about her… I then began to read about her, to know her, and still growing close to her. I have an alter with gifts for her. I believe she is for those sincerely drawn to her.

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  18. Hello all, I have been following Santa Muerte for about 10 years now. Back in 2009 I met my now wife. I use to pass her altar and just stare and remember thinking who is that?
    Which is where my curiosity struck and I started asking my wife 21 questions about Santa Muerte. Lol
    Don’t think my journey has all been positive. I lost my true connection with her for awhile. Which was my wrong doing in so many ways.
    I have struggled with depression, anxiety and M.E for about 9 years but in the last 3 years it has been really bad. I would say I hit rock bottom, started thinking of suicide, shut myself out of the world and locked myself in the darkness. That was till just a few days ago. I was in the middle of one of my attacks and I just remember thinking of Her and I felt like she was trying to connect with me. Once I was alone in the room it full on hit me. “You need me” and instantly I agreed and said I know I need you to in life. Eyes closed I saw Her in all white, peaceful. I can hear her at this point ” I will get you through depression and anxiety and all you are going through, but in return I want something from you” I agreed,and asked what she needed from me. ” For you to 100% believe in me, to not question me, or get mad at me when things don’t go your way. Pray every day, have an altar for me, get me everything I ask for, learn everything about me, for the rest of your life.” Without a hesitation I uncontrollably smiled and agreed. I grabbed a pen, note book and jumped on the internet and just started searching prayers and everything Santa Muerte. Last night I was doing my nightly devotional time with her and I told her I was ready to see her, that she could come to me whenever she was ready.
    Not even 10 minutes later my cat is freaking out by a smell, we don’t smell anything, but I realized where my cat was looking Santa Muerte’s altar. Her tail huge and poofed up… I knew in my heart, and in my soul that it was Santa Muerte. I assured my wife and daughter that it was ok, not be afraid. Her presence became even stronger. I sat at the foot of my bed In front of Her altar taking it all In. At this point I am crying, happiness I felt the most loving, caring, protected, calm, firey feelings. I was overwhelmed by the sense of peace and comfort in everything. I swear to you guys, I believed already but hands down last night cranked up the belief’o’meter to 100%. She is my Queen, my comfort, my protector, mi Madre.
    She has such a personality, that I have never in my life experienced and I feel honored and blessed by her choosing me. I will stand with her beside me for the rest of my life.

    Even though I had done her wrong in the past, she accepted my apologies and forgave me and gave me another chance to honor her. I truely hope that if you have Her on your side, don’t ever take that for granted, life was hell without her. Thank you Santisima 🖤❤️🙏

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  19. I became interested in the Santa muerte thru an ex that was in prison and was always praying to her. As I ask my parents lil things about her.. All the had to say was she was a very powerful saint and they did not want to mess with her…I started reading and reading about her for weeks…I was scared and confused…But I took the chance and made her an alter at my apartment. Some friends of mine would not go in my room bse they were scared…but I talked to her everyday. And I never got a sign from her till one day when I promise my kids brand new shoes for school and at that time I was struggling bad…as I drove to the school to get my kids…i cried so much bse I didn’t have the money by to buy them shoes that they needed n I was breaking my promise tI made to them… I was so hurt cause I didn’t know how to tell my kids that I couldn’t keep my promise to them..when I was driving I asked can u rase show me sign that your real and help me keep my promise to my boys. I sat in car and cried some more then I walked I side and sat in the bench to wait for them.. it was about 1am. My phone goes off and it’s a alert from my bank …I had gotten a deposit right there and then at 11 am from some money that was going to take a couple of months for me to get… My banks direct deposit went in early in the morning never at this time…I couldn’t believe my eyes of the amount I had gotten …as I looked up crying I said thank you so much for allowing my to keep my promise.. I see my kids running g to me and hugged me …I got up n said thank you again..now let’s go get them shoes.. I couldn’t believe it.. so I know she is real

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